The Reality Of Pain - 200 KM Brevet Ride

When you are into this game of long distance endurance building activities, you get to understand the concept of mind over matter first hand. Pain is that one illusion that gets shattered in these kinds of activities. Brevet format of cycling is one of them. Pain does not, will not and can never become pleasure; that is a myth. If that happens visit a psychiatrist because you are turning into a sadist. But what really happens is: you start seeing beyond pain. You go through the pain and see its impermanent nature. This experiential knowledge of impermanence is very crucial in reducing the hold of pain on your mind and thoughts. These uncomfortable zones they start turning into your comfort zones. As the saying goes “You never change your life until you step out of your comfort zone; change begins at the end of your comfort zone.”

"My Beauty"

There two things I love about endurance sports like cycling and running:

1) Their simplicity
2) The personal growth they offer in terms of these life learnings

Running is simpler than cycling, but I still prefer cycling over running because I personally like a little touch of complexity with a greater sense of simplicity.

This brevet was indeed one of my toughest because of the external factors like dust, heavy traffic whizzing past you like a storm blowing against a lighted match stick and the traffic that comes towards you from the opposite direction with full beam; blinding you for a few minutes. But one thing I felt comfortable with was the pain. There are 4 areas of pain when it comes to long distance cycling:

1) The palms; which are resting heavily on the handle bars supporting your entire upper body weight.
2) You buttocks; for obvious reasons.
3) Your legs from all those hours and hours of pedaling
4) Your back; because of the unusual riding posture.

On this brevet I had least trouble with the first two. Managed pretty well the 3rd one and had a little trouble with the fourth one because of change in my cycle’s geometry due to a change of my cycling tyres. I went from conventional MBT tyres to thinner hybrid ones.

The definition of Endurance is: “the fact or power of enduring an unpleasant or difficult process or situation without giving way”. This is not absolute in real life application. When it comes to real life experience or application of endurance you vacillate between these moments of almost giving way to not giving way at all. This brevet I had so many moments where I was powerful and gave no way with a very few moments where I almost gave way. That is because I was otherwise feeling strong and powerful in life. After having a long struggling phase of low self-esteem and low self-worth I did managed to pull myself out of it in life. That is why they call it endurance testing rides. Sometimes these rides they build your endurance and make you feel powerful in life and sometimes life does that to your endurance rides.

"Something As Simple As A Glass Of Chai Can Be Highly Rejuvenating"

This would sound very strange, but it is pain, discomfort and unpleasantness that actually supplements your sensitivity and makes you grow more sensitive towards life and its aspects. It is not pain, discomfort and unpleasantness in absolute that does that magic. But it is the very process of you overcoming them and shedding their hold on you that actually does that. When you are being into a prolonged period of unpleasant or difficult process or situation; without giving way; you will observe that every other experience grows many folds. For example something as simple as a cool breeze on a sweaty and hot body, feels like a little more than refreshing: call it invigorating. Something as simple as a gulp of cold water down your dry and warm throat feels like a little more than a magic potion: call it elixir of life. And a song or tune in your ear sounds a little more than an anthem: call it the hymn of life. These are a few examples. Hope you get the picture clear, or do I need to state more?

"Even Something as Simple As A Sunset Seems So Magical"

In a way you start feeling grateful to these discomforts, unpleasant moments and all the pains. They help you see through them, if you are willing to look, and they help you grow through them if you are willing to observe.

“The sea's only gifts are harsh blows, and occasionally the chance to feel strong. Now I don't know much about the sea, but I do know that that's the way it is here. And I also know how important it is in life not necessarily to be strong but to feel strong. To measure yourself at least once. To find yourself at least once in the most ancient of human conditions. Facing the blind death stone alone, with nothing to help you but your hands and your own head.”
― Jon Krakauer, Into the Wild

बचपन के वो पर्दे

उन पर्दों को देख के वो बचपन याद आता है,


जब घर के उन कोनों में ये हवा से यूँ लहराते होते थे।

सुरक्षा और आश्रय के ये प्रतीक, 
जब घर में दौड़ते दौड़ते हम इनसे जान बूझ के टकराते थे।
अपनी लंबाई से हम इन्हें कभी नापा करते थे,
अपने चेहरे, माथे से और वेग से हम इन पर्दों से भी कभी लड़ाई करते थे।
कभी इन्हें अपना जिगरी दोस्त मान के दिल से गले लगाया करते थे,
और कभी कट्टर दुश्मन मान के मुक्के इनपे बरसाया करते थे।
पिताजी की डांट की गर्जन से जब पूरा घर थरथराता था,
हम तो बस इन्ही दीवार से लटके कुछ फ़ीट के कपड़ो को ही ढाल बना के खुद को सुरक्षित महसूस कराना जाना करते थे।
चाहे खेल हो आइस पाइस का, या फिर चंचलता में गोल गोल घूमने का,
हम तो बस इन्ही पर्दों के सहारे खुश होना जाना करते थे।
आज भी जब इनको हम हवा से यूँ लहराते देखा करते हैं,
तो कहीं ना कहीं वो मासूम सी भोली सुरक्षा और क्रीडा को याद करते खुदको पाया करते हैं।

Rishikesh to Devprayag Cycling Trip

"I went to the woods because I wished to live deliberately, to front only the essential facts of life, and see if I could not learn what it had to teach, and not, when I came to die, discover that I had not lived"

-Henry David Thoreau

I cannot live at the extremities to which HDT lived but I can always live the essence of his line of living. But I strongly agree with "when I came to die, discover that I had not lived". I too want to die with as lesser regrets as possible. The only way to achieve that is to try to live as fiercely as possible. That is something I had been trying to do since the year I left Smoking and Drinking. Every year on my birthday from last 2 years I have gone on a Trek and a Cycling trip from Delhi to Agra To Jaipur and Back. This year had been no different. I had been thinking of going from Rishikesh to Devprayag on a Cycle for a long time now. What could be a better day to attempt this feat than my 31st Birthday?

The thought of attempting this route on a cycle had been germinating in my mind since the day I went on a trek in Joshimath and saw Bhagirathi and Alakhnanda merging together to make Ganga for the first time. It captured my imagination when I tried Delhi to Rishikesh on a cycle sometime before. But could not go till Devprayag due to lack of experience, confidence, stamina, energy, and equipment. This time around I had everything. A good Mountain Bike, some off-roading experience; in Aravali hills near Gurgaon - Faridabad highway; better stamina, cleaner lungs and stronger legs with 9, 500+ kilometers on the saddle till date.

There was a feeling of reluctance in my mind on the day I had to leave for Rishikesh. This procrastinating continued until the next day, a day after the decided day when I was supposed to leave; due to something going on in my personal life. I was not sure of leaving even the day, the hour before I actually left for it. Anyways a day and 3/4th late finally I left my home for this trip on my Scott Aspect 740 large frame, 27.5 incher MTB. At 9:30 PM,  I thought of catching the bus for Rishikesh from Anand Vihar ISBT which is quite near my house. Tackling the maddening crowd, staring eyes, and some turning heads towards mounted headlights, taillights on my bike, and reflector jacket on my shoulders; I reached my destination. As I rushed through to Uttrakhand Transportation Corporation's ticket counter, a middle-aged uncle (every unknown person in India is either uncle, aunty, bhaiya (brother) or madam) told me that there are no buses from here to Rishikesh and I need to goto Kashmere Gate ISBT. Again tackling the crowd, its stares, glances, and exclamations like oh Teri! (damn); which was another 17-19 Km from where I was; I peddled my to Kashmere Gate at 9:45 PM carrying along the fear of dogs, hesitancy of catching the bus, and if they would allow my cycle to travel with me without a prior booking; with me.

As I reached the gates of Delhi's biggest Bus station from where every bus left for their respective destinations, I happened to see a board in Hindi reading 'Rishikesh'. Hesitantly, I asked the bus conductor if I could go to Rishikesh in his bus. He looked at me from head to feet. Smiled at me at first looking at my gear and bike. Then said, why not! come on in. I asked him how. He told me from the front door. I asked him, is my bike allowed? He told me why not if you are willing to pay for its ticket. To which I readily agreed and loaded my bike inside his bus and took it to the last seat.

"My Place In Bus"

Reached Rishikesh bus stand at 4:30 AM in the morning. It was all windy and a little chilly. I was not carrying any jacket or full length trousers with me. All I had were a couple of t-shirts, a full sleeve shirt and a couple of shorts including my padded shorts. Please carry a light jacket if you happen to be in Rishikesh sometime in March. The early mornings and nights are chilly. I rode my way from the bus stand to Laxman Jhula in search of an accommodation. The dogs here in Rishikesh were as curious as people back at Anand Vihar. The only difference was that they were just staring and the dogs here were all barking and chasing me. God knows if that was my weird getup, energy or the lights on my bike which captured the imagination of these dogs of Rishikesh. Fighting my fear and anxiety at every turn and sight of any dog or their group gatherings. I reached Laxman Jhula only to discover that shops were not open yet. I was advised to stay in Tapovan. I reached Tapovan to find out that Mount Valley Mama Cottage is full and there is no one at New Bhandari Swiss Cottage. Reluctantly I strolled my bike to NH7 and made a call to a campsite manager to book a tent.

 "Accommodation In Shivpuri"

After booking the tent I peddled my way on NH7 to Shivpuri. Reached Shivpuri. Had breakfast. Checked out the river which was flowing in full flow very close to where I was staying. Dumped most of my stuff; retaining some of the important ones like a pump, toolkit, lock, reflector jackets, lights and power bank; in the tent which I had booked and shot off on my bike for Devprayag! It is 55 Kms from Shivpuri and 68 from Rishikesh. It was 10:00 AM in the morning when I started from Shivpuri. Making calculations based on my approximation for my average speed on hills and trails, which is about 15-17 kmph, I came to a conclusion that it will take me 7.5 - 8.5 hours including a one hour break at Devprayag. So, in any case, I would have been back by 5:30 PM or at maximum by 6:30 PM. To which all I have to say now is "Never underestimate the gradients and climbs of a hill". Initially, it was all downhill and a little uphill to entice and augment the overconfidence which I had when I started. After 1.5 hours in the ride there started the back-breaking uphill climb. It was nearly 11:30 AM near noon and the sun was almost above my head glaring in its full glory.

As the climb it started I was very confident with my body, muscles, and experience. I had done many trails near Gurgaon Faridabad highway. Had attempted many climbs in the trails. All the images and memories of those conquered trails and climbs came to the mind. Switching to a low gear combination on chainrings and on the cassette. 2-3 or 2-2 or sometimes 2-1 was the gear combination I was compelled to use, on a chainring-cassette setup (in that order).  This was one climb that was not willing to end. I had to step further down on my 3 level chainring system to 1-3, 1-2 or 1-1 gear combination on certain stretches where the climb was steeper. I thought of making just one stop when I started initially. But this endless backbreaking climb made me stop midway at a rock where I drank water, caught my breath and clicking a few pictures moved on. It was kind of recollection stop. My legs were screaming at top of their voices "Please stop this madness". Which activated my vocal chords and made them utter a powerful scream "F*** it and I stopped.

"Stoppage Point"

"Photo Sessions Amidst Madness"

This time around the Sun was right above my head as I crawled my way to a small eating joint also known as 'dhaaba' in India. I ordered Yellow Split chickpeas lentils and rice. Which I was offered all on one plate. Never had food tasted so good in my entire life. It was heavenly, bliss, euphoria, call whatever you may! I suppose this should be the way to eat and digest food. I also had Limca with jaljeera (Mix of some spices with black salt) which is the best remedy for cramps or to avoid any foreseeable cramps. Normally I am not the kind of person who would ask anybody on a trek or be cycling expedition the question "how far is it?". But I was compelled to shoot this question to the shop owner "How much more do I have to climb?". To which the reply sounded so sonorous that even Adele couldn't match. He informed me coolly that it is just 2 KM of climb left. After which it is all downhill.

My Strava read 33.3 KM at this point. 33.3 Kilometers only! I was in shock at first. The amount of effort I have put in peddling my way till this point; if I would have applied the same amount of effort on a plain road my Strava was bound to cross 100-kilometer mark. This reading meant I still have to cover 22 Kilometers approximately 2 uphill and 20 downhill. This 20 downhill uplifted my spirits tremendously; which was all over the place in last 2.5 hours of endless spine breaking climbs. I took off again. My butts were pleading with me to not to put them back on that rocky saddle. But who listens to these poor butts anyways. 2 KM uphills as rightly pointed out by the food joint owner. Then the descent started. I was cruising. 50-60 KMPH on the downhill, cool wind on my face and legs, the green water of the Ganges flowing next to me, my heart was resounding a big, cliched word 'bliss'. Because there is nothing like absolute bliss when you are on a 100+km bike ride on mountains. What is uphill will be downhill and what is downhill is going to be uphill. The first practical lesson of 'Neti-Neti' learned and understood.

"Snaky and Twisted Roads Of The Mountains"

There is no point to be too depressed, and no point in being too happy. What is uphill will eventually be downhill and what is downhill is eventually going to be uphill. Finally, what exactly matters in this game of uphill and downhill is that you keep on pedaling, keep on learning, keep on moving, with a much-unaffected mind as one can. The following lines of the song "Mann Kasturi" from the movie Masan came to my mind.

उल्टा कर के देख सके तो
अम्बर भी है गहरी खाई||
(If you turn it upside down,
Even the sky is like a bottomless pit)

I  kind of grasped some experiential meaning of those two lines at that very moment. Not trying to get carried away by the thrill and excitement of the downhill section of the ride, I cruised my way closer to Devprayag. It was now in my sight. From a distance, at the top of a mountain, I could see the 2 tributaries meeting. The sight gave me an elated sense of relief and contentment. This was what I had come to see, and witness. 300+ Kilometers; 233 on a Bus and 67 on my bike; all the way from my home in Ghaziabad to this point in space. This is how a pilgrimage has to be done for some deeper or shallow spiritual experiences. Otherwise, you are just visiting another place, another touristic destination with your same old self. Nothing changes, nothing transpires really and there is no experience at all; deep or shallow.

"Devprayag - Spotted From a Distance"

I took me and my bike all the way down at the helm, the mouth or junction of this union also known as 'Prayag'. I drank the water directly from the river; making the freshly formed Ganga flow through my dry throat to my thirsty stomach. I for the first time experienced the feeling of 'one-ness' of what these mystics, Sufi poets, and spiritual teachers talk about in every literary work of theirs. I was grabbed with this thought that 60% of me is water, followed by an intense feeling that I am the river and the river is me. It lasted for only 6-10 seconds but it gave me a sense of sensitivity, what lifetimes cannot impart. I knew I have inched one more step closer to my roots, my being, and self.

"Adjacent to Devprayag"

I returned back to my tent/camp late at around 8:00 PM - 8:30 PM. Many times on my way back I felt intense pain and discomfort in my legs, butt, back, and palms. The thought "why me" came and went. I was calmer, more composed, and more in control of my being than what I was when I started. It was pitch dark after 7:00 PM and I almost rode for one and a half hour in that stark darkness. Still, there was something inside me which was automatically combating the fear which was culminating every now and then. This something I am sure was what the river gave me as a birthday gift in those 6-10 seconds of communion.

"Sunset - Marking The End Of A Day and A Beginning Of The Other"

The Starting of Starting All Over Again and Again

"The Wobbly Clothesline In My Balcony; The Clips Depicting The Inconsistency Of Life With Moments Of Interruption"

When it comes to picking up a hobby or activity; leaving it all of a sudden and keep coming back to it; I will be crowned as an unprecedented, unrivalled champion! I am an expert to this kind of pattern. I have only been consistent in being inconsistent. Before we can go into the pros and cons of the matter; let me put some facts about my life to support the argument made above in regards to my inconsistencies:

1) Took up playing Basketball and Cricket. Played it till State Level; now play neither of the sports.

2) Loved Mathematics and Computers; but lost interest in both subjects in Engineering College.

3) Took up reading and avid interest in English Language. Till now had frequent love hate relationship with it. This inconsistency can be observed from difference of date and time in my blog posts.

4) Went for my first Vipassana Meditation course in 2011, maintained the practice of the meditation technique for nearly 6-8 months, managed to stay away from Alcohol and Smoking during this time. Fell back again. Went again for another course in 2012, 2013, 2014, 2015 and 2016. The story remains the same for years 2012, 13 and 14 and after 2014 I had went into chronic drinking to the verge of being declared as an addict. But since 2015 I had been consistent in my practices till date and now have no intentions of falling back.

5) Recently took up cycling and running; but had been many a times quite consistent and many a times not so consistent with them.

That being said; you must be thinking what good 'being inconsistent' can bring in one's life. The negative aspects attached with inconsistent behavior pattern are quite evident and clear, I need not to highlight them or state the obvious facts of the matter. Everyone knows that perseverance is the key to success; even the person with my level of inconstancy understands this simple fact of life. I am here to talk about a few positives which I had taken from my own vacillations in the following few paragraphs.

The very first and foremost is the art of dealing with reluctance when it comes to starting something all over again. Reluctance is one aspect of 'co-efficient of friction'. There is a fundamental difference between life and physics; i.e. of objectivity and subjectivity. In life there is no one co-efficient of friction; but series of co-efficient frictions deterring your movement forward. So with each new endeavor of starting all over again, you get rid of one or two of these co-efficients or reduce the intensity of it.So that way; as compared to every (n-1)th process of starting over; every nth and (n+1)th process becomes easier. And time taken to get back 'on track' reduces. This learning in itself is worth the trouble of starting it all over.

The second benefit would be awareness towards 'self ignorance' resulting in self-awareness. People who do things consistently does not mean that they are doing it with awareness. And since they have a straight line graph so there is a very little chance that they will come to know about this ignorance. Whereas with people like us; we will be totally self ignorant and at the same time will not be doing anything what we should or ought to be doing. This will give us some space to see this self-ignorance and we become aware of it. As soon as we be aware of it and aware of the fact that we have been off the way; off the track; we snap right back in and this time with some sense of awareness into the act. The more this happens more is the awareness we get. The only trap here is of falling more into the phase of inaction and self-ignorance and not making any visible or viable efforts of coming out of it. Rather totally giving in. This happens with the thought "what is the use", "not worth it". But let me tell you with my own experience that it is totally worth it and that is the only use life has. To fight back your own lows and come up to fall down again and so on and so forth.

The third positive is that you learn the art of dealing with ennui. Ennui is the root cause of all evil in the society is my take on it. Most people don't know how to deal with ennui. People with a consistent life have consistent way of dealing with ennui which in itself becomes the biggest ennui of their lives. But people with inconsistency will try to find different way to deal with the same. And these different ways will become different activities in their lives. There is a chance that some of these activities becomes hobbies and in turn becomes a part in life. But the pit fall here with this type of dealing is: sometimes it leaves you as jack of all trades and master of none.

The fourth and very last positive I find with my type of inconsistent life is getting prepared for the second half of the life. Life is very long.Worldwide, the average life expectancy at birth was 71.5 years (68 years and 4 months for males and 72 years and 8 months for females) over the period 2010–2015 according to United Nations World Population Prospects 2015 Revision, or 69 years (67 years for males and 71.1 years for females) for 2016 according to The World Factbook. Keeping that in mind, if one does not get an untimely death one is going to live for atleast 72 years. Mostly people they get married at the age of 28 and gets settled at the age of 36 and then they go on vegetating and become clueless as to what to do with life till they die. The kind of education and values we impart on our children is to lead them to settlement at a certain point of time in life. And that number is defined as mid thirties. But no body knows or thinks about what next? What after 35-36? With inconsistency you get opportunities to experiment till you are 30-34, then the time comes to consolidate on these experiments you have done with yourself. You would be left with so many things and ideas which you could work upon in the later half of your life. The only pit fall in this line of argument is: you tend to lose focus and there are chances that you never will be focused enough to turn your experimentations into viable outcomes.

So all in all I would say that there is no harm in being inconsistent in life, unless you are determined enough to fight back and get back in the game of life. This is a fight which you fight within yourself and is the only fight worth fighting for. So keep fighting and keep coming back. Be as inconsistent as you wish to be, trying not get consistent even with this inconsistency. Try to find something concrete from this wobbly life, taking every wobble as an opportunity to find something composed which can accompany you all your life till the very end like I found cycling and running.