Soar - A Short Poem

When I see you; my bird; starting to spread those wings,
Starting to take a leap, carving those stepping stones on the flowing winds,
I take a pause, stop and admire your beauty in your flight,
I remember it was you who once told me that I am afraid of heights,
As you go higher up on those stairs made on those winds, making that magnificent climb,
My mouth half open, eyes in the sky, with one hand shunning the sunlight and one eye watching your 'soar' so divine,
I see you; my bird; almost touching those clouds, kissing that sun,
If such is the grace and beauty that lies in your soar, I would never wish or pray for your return.
-BeeLikeMakkhi

Life On Saddle and Beyond - Nearly 12,000 KM of Cycling

Nearly 1.5 years from today I wrote a post titled Life On The Saddle - 5000 Kms of Cycling. This post is a sequel to this last post.

At the time when I wrote that post I was still struggling in this recovery from my serious love affair with alcohol and cigarette addiction. That was the time I was occupied with this thinking and high headedness, that by getting into cycling and staying away from Cigarette and Alcohol is more than enough in life. Slowly and gradually I started growing as a cyclist. I soon completed my first 50 Kilometers. Then I did my first century ride. After which I went from Delhi to Rishikesh on cycle; that was my first double century. Then I completed the golden triangle (Delhi - Agra - Jaipur - Delhi) covering 750 Kilometers in 3 days. Then came my first 300 Kilometer brevet which I managed to finish comfortably in 17 hours and so on and so forth. Still, till last 2-3 months, I used to be under impression that just by getting into cycling and successfully managing to fight down my years long addiction of alcohol and cigarette; I am some sort of a heavyweight or headliner. And I am doing some kind of favor on people around me.

Of course managing these back breaking and butt burning, hours long cycle rides is not easy. But there should cometh a point in life when one needs to move on from his own achievements; stop being amazed at one's own-self progress and look for endeavors more challenging and daunting. This is how growth happens. The day you stop looking for these new embarkments in life, the growth in life stops. Stagnation seeps in, when you grossly entrench yourself in self glorification. Today while riding and talking to my girlfriend on the phone for 2 long hours, I realized that it is high time for me to move on and take up new challenges and touch upon some untouched territories. Because cycling and not getting back to my old-self has now been cemented into my system. Sometimes we get so much engrossed in making useless efforts into things which has started happening effortlessly on its own that we stop expanding newer horizons because we do not have any energy left.

“The secret of change is to focus all your energy not on fighting the old, but on building the new.”

― Dan Millman, Way of the Peaceful Warrior

I realized today that I need not to make any extra effort to keep these two going, i.e. cycling and not getting back to my own-self. I can utilize all that effort in expanding new horizons and embarking upon new endeavors. I have been making plans for new things and failing at it miserably all this while not realizing or having a single clue as to why. Today I know the reason. It was because I was fearful of letting go of the effort which was required to sustain the changed lifestyle which I adopted some 2.5 years ago. Not realizing that this lifestyle had been moving on its own accord for a long time now and my efforts had just been a contributor to the stagnation in my life. It is just like when you start to learn cycling and some elder holds your seat from behind to help you balance. You ride and ride and one day you look back to realize that the hand that was there to support your balance had long been gone and you have traveled a long way on your own. Now you need not to be conscious of your balance anymore, but if you do, you are bound to fall. 

With this newfound realization and knowledge (Thanks to 1. my cycle and other, 2. my Girlfriend); the time has come to add some more juggling clubs in my act of juggling in life. I have realized that I need to keep the current juggling clubs moving and add more elements. Time has come and time is ripe when I need to move and grow in my professional and academic prospects of life as well. This is something I was very good at and it is also something that had long been neglected and ignored. Starting and opening this front, won't be easy. But so was with leaving behind smoking and drinking and adapting a healthy lifestyle. I have never been a quitter on challenges, nor will I be this time. It was typically me, being fearful of letting go of something I had long conquered. I am now ready with some new found energy and vigor. 

Life! Bring it on!!  

Rishikesh to Devprayag Cycling Trip

"I went to the woods because I wished to live deliberately, to front only the essential facts of life, and see if I could not learn what it had to teach, and not, when I came to die, discover that I had not lived"

-Henry David Thoreau

I cannot live at the extremities to which HDT lived but I can always live the essence of his line of living. But I strongly agree with "when I came to die, discover that I had not lived". I too want to die with as lesser regrets as possible. The only way to achieve that is to try to live as fiercely as possible. That is something I had been trying to do since the year I left Smoking and Drinking. Every year on my birthday from last 2 years I have gone on a Trek and a Cycling trip from Delhi to Agra To Jaipur and Back. This year had been no different. I had been thinking of going from Rishikesh to Devprayag on a Cycle for a long time now. What could be a better day to attempt this feat than my 31st Birthday?

The thought of attempting this route on a cycle had been germinating in my mind since the day I went on a trek in Joshimath and saw Bhagirathi and Alakhnanda merging together to make Ganga for the first time. It captured my imagination when I tried Delhi to Rishikesh on a cycle sometime before. But could not go till Devprayag due to lack of experience, confidence, stamina, energy, and equipment. This time around I had everything. A good Mountain Bike, some off-roading experience; in Aravali hills near Gurgaon - Faridabad highway; better stamina, cleaner lungs and stronger legs with 9, 500+ kilometers on the saddle till date.

There was a feeling of reluctance in my mind on the day I had to leave for Rishikesh. This procrastinating continued until the next day, a day after the decided day when I was supposed to leave; due to something going on in my personal life. I was not sure of leaving even the day, the hour before I actually left for it. Anyways a day and 3/4th late finally I left my home for this trip on my Scott Aspect 740 large frame, 27.5 incher MTB. At 9:30 PM,  I thought of catching the bus for Rishikesh from Anand Vihar ISBT which is quite near my house. Tackling the maddening crowd, staring eyes, and some turning heads towards mounted headlights, taillights on my bike, and reflector jacket on my shoulders; I reached my destination. As I rushed through to Uttrakhand Transportation Corporation's ticket counter, a middle-aged uncle (every unknown person in India is either uncle, aunty, bhaiya (brother) or madam) told me that there are no buses from here to Rishikesh and I need to goto Kashmere Gate ISBT. Again tackling the crowd, its stares, glances, and exclamations like oh Teri! (damn); which was another 17-19 Km from where I was; I peddled my to Kashmere Gate at 9:45 PM carrying along the fear of dogs, hesitancy of catching the bus, and if they would allow my cycle to travel with me without a prior booking; with me.

As I reached the gates of Delhi's biggest Bus station from where every bus left for their respective destinations, I happened to see a board in Hindi reading 'Rishikesh'. Hesitantly, I asked the bus conductor if I could go to Rishikesh in his bus. He looked at me from head to feet. Smiled at me at first looking at my gear and bike. Then said, why not! come on in. I asked him how. He told me from the front door. I asked him, is my bike allowed? He told me why not if you are willing to pay for its ticket. To which I readily agreed and loaded my bike inside his bus and took it to the last seat.

"My Place In Bus"

Reached Rishikesh bus stand at 4:30 AM in the morning. It was all windy and a little chilly. I was not carrying any jacket or full length trousers with me. All I had were a couple of t-shirts, a full sleeve shirt and a couple of shorts including my padded shorts. Please carry a light jacket if you happen to be in Rishikesh sometime in March. The early mornings and nights are chilly. I rode my way from the bus stand to Laxman Jhula in search of an accommodation. The dogs here in Rishikesh were as curious as people back at Anand Vihar. The only difference was that they were just staring and the dogs here were all barking and chasing me. God knows if that was my weird getup, energy or the lights on my bike which captured the imagination of these dogs of Rishikesh. Fighting my fear and anxiety at every turn and sight of any dog or their group gatherings. I reached Laxman Jhula only to discover that shops were not open yet. I was advised to stay in Tapovan. I reached Tapovan to find out that Mount Valley Mama Cottage is full and there is no one at New Bhandari Swiss Cottage. Reluctantly I strolled my bike to NH7 and made a call to a campsite manager to book a tent.

 "Accommodation In Shivpuri"

After booking the tent I peddled my way on NH7 to Shivpuri. Reached Shivpuri. Had breakfast. Checked out the river which was flowing in full flow very close to where I was staying. Dumped most of my stuff; retaining some of the important ones like a pump, toolkit, lock, reflector jackets, lights and power bank; in the tent which I had booked and shot off on my bike for Devprayag! It is 55 Kms from Shivpuri and 68 from Rishikesh. It was 10:00 AM in the morning when I started from Shivpuri. Making calculations based on my approximation for my average speed on hills and trails, which is about 15-17 kmph, I came to a conclusion that it will take me 7.5 - 8.5 hours including a one hour break at Devprayag. So, in any case, I would have been back by 5:30 PM or at maximum by 6:30 PM. To which all I have to say now is "Never underestimate the gradients and climbs of a hill". Initially, it was all downhill and a little uphill to entice and augment the overconfidence which I had when I started. After 1.5 hours in the ride there started the back-breaking uphill climb. It was nearly 11:30 AM near noon and the sun was almost above my head glaring in its full glory.

As the climb it started I was very confident with my body, muscles, and experience. I had done many trails near Gurgaon Faridabad highway. Had attempted many climbs in the trails. All the images and memories of those conquered trails and climbs came to the mind. Switching to a low gear combination on chainrings and on the cassette. 2-3 or 2-2 or sometimes 2-1 was the gear combination I was compelled to use, on a chainring-cassette setup (in that order).  This was one climb that was not willing to end. I had to step further down on my 3 level chainring system to 1-3, 1-2 or 1-1 gear combination on certain stretches where the climb was steeper. I thought of making just one stop when I started initially. But this endless backbreaking climb made me stop midway at a rock where I drank water, caught my breath and clicking a few pictures moved on. It was kind of recollection stop. My legs were screaming at top of their voices "Please stop this madness". Which activated my vocal chords and made them utter a powerful scream "F*** it and I stopped.

"Stoppage Point"

"Photo Sessions Amidst Madness"

This time around the Sun was right above my head as I crawled my way to a small eating joint also known as 'dhaaba' in India. I ordered Yellow Split chickpeas lentils and rice. Which I was offered all on one plate. Never had food tasted so good in my entire life. It was heavenly, bliss, euphoria, call whatever you may! I suppose this should be the way to eat and digest food. I also had Limca with jaljeera (Mix of some spices with black salt) which is the best remedy for cramps or to avoid any foreseeable cramps. Normally I am not the kind of person who would ask anybody on a trek or be cycling expedition the question "how far is it?". But I was compelled to shoot this question to the shop owner "How much more do I have to climb?". To which the reply sounded so sonorous that even Adele couldn't match. He informed me coolly that it is just 2 KM of climb left. After which it is all downhill.

My Strava read 33.3 KM at this point. 33.3 Kilometers only! I was in shock at first. The amount of effort I have put in peddling my way till this point; if I would have applied the same amount of effort on a plain road my Strava was bound to cross 100-kilometer mark. This reading meant I still have to cover 22 Kilometers approximately 2 uphill and 20 downhill. This 20 downhill uplifted my spirits tremendously; which was all over the place in last 2.5 hours of endless spine breaking climbs. I took off again. My butts were pleading with me to not to put them back on that rocky saddle. But who listens to these poor butts anyways. 2 KM uphills as rightly pointed out by the food joint owner. Then the descent started. I was cruising. 50-60 KMPH on the downhill, cool wind on my face and legs, the green water of the Ganges flowing next to me, my heart was resounding a big, cliched word 'bliss'. Because there is nothing like absolute bliss when you are on a 100+km bike ride on mountains. What is uphill will be downhill and what is downhill is going to be uphill. The first practical lesson of 'Neti-Neti' learned and understood.

"Snaky and Twisted Roads Of The Mountains"

There is no point to be too depressed, and no point in being too happy. What is uphill will eventually be downhill and what is downhill is eventually going to be uphill. Finally, what exactly matters in this game of uphill and downhill is that you keep on pedaling, keep on learning, keep on moving, with a much-unaffected mind as one can. The following lines of the song "Mann Kasturi" from the movie Masan came to my mind.

उल्टा कर के देख सके तो
अम्बर भी है गहरी खाई||
(If you turn it upside down,
Even the sky is like a bottomless pit)

I  kind of grasped some experiential meaning of those two lines at that very moment. Not trying to get carried away by the thrill and excitement of the downhill section of the ride, I cruised my way closer to Devprayag. It was now in my sight. From a distance, at the top of a mountain, I could see the 2 tributaries meeting. The sight gave me an elated sense of relief and contentment. This was what I had come to see, and witness. 300+ Kilometers; 233 on a Bus and 67 on my bike; all the way from my home in Ghaziabad to this point in space. This is how a pilgrimage has to be done for some deeper or shallow spiritual experiences. Otherwise, you are just visiting another place, another touristic destination with your same old self. Nothing changes, nothing transpires really and there is no experience at all; deep or shallow.

"Devprayag - Spotted From a Distance"

I took me and my bike all the way down at the helm, the mouth or junction of this union also known as 'Prayag'. I drank the water directly from the river; making the freshly formed Ganga flow through my dry throat to my thirsty stomach. I for the first time experienced the feeling of 'one-ness' of what these mystics, Sufi poets, and spiritual teachers talk about in every literary work of theirs. I was grabbed with this thought that 60% of me is water, followed by an intense feeling that I am the river and the river is me. It lasted for only 6-10 seconds but it gave me a sense of sensitivity, what lifetimes cannot impart. I knew I have inched one more step closer to my roots, my being, and self.

"Adjacent to Devprayag"

I returned back to my tent/camp late at around 8:00 PM - 8:30 PM. Many times on my way back I felt intense pain and discomfort in my legs, butt, back, and palms. The thought "why me" came and went. I was calmer, more composed, and more in control of my being than what I was when I started. It was pitch dark after 7:00 PM and I almost rode for one and a half hour in that stark darkness. Still, there was something inside me which was automatically combating the fear which was culminating every now and then. This something I am sure was what the river gave me as a birthday gift in those 6-10 seconds of communion.

"Sunset - Marking The End Of A Day and A Beginning Of The Other"

The Two Worlds Of An Airport

It is only on an Airport that you will find two sections, one for Arrivals and one for Departures. Unlike a railway station which has a uniform platform for both the purposes. So the kind of divisional display of human emotions so prominently visible at an airport gets profusely diffused on a railway station.

At an airport with it being divided into the above said sections it becomes a world of two minds. One mind is full of expectancy of meeting someone and the other full of reluctance of letting; someone you know; go. This is the same way we normally react to every other situation we face in our lives. Airport's Arrival and Departure sections are only a makeshift stage for this human behavior of expectancy and holding onto, to be displayed in its stark nakedness.

Whenever life throws at us situations; which we call favorable; we start getting excited and start growing more and more in anticipation. After receiving that favorable situation in reality we start holding onto it and not want to let that situation go and want it to stay longer. This human nature of us deter us to make the best of those situations as we are in a state of constant tension. Always trying something or the other.

What I have realized with my visits to the Airport; when I went to receive and see someone off is; when we start controlling our expectancy; keeping it under check; we receive whatever life throws at us with simple happiness and with less excitement. And if we can somehow reduce our clinging, we really live with whatever life has/had thrown at us. Once you have really lived with the situation/person, you get a feeling of contentment, and saying goodbye to the person/situation becomes easier. Deep down inside you know that the situation or the person will be coming back to you and till then you need to prepare yourself again to receive them better than the last time.

Misery is our creation and will always be. The effort should be about how to reduce this misery and grow more in contentment (I do not mean complacency here).

A Trip To Banares - Untangling Knots

बाबा के बैठक में बिछी चटाई , बहार रखे खड़ाऊं (At the meeting place of the wise man, there is a floor mat and outside are kept the slippers)

मिलने वाले के मन में असमंजस जाऊं या न जाऊं (There is a doubt in the mind of a man who so dearly wants to meet this wise man. And he is so caught up by this dilemma of whether to go in or stay back)

माथे तिलक आँख पर ऐनक, पोथी खुली स्वयं से बोले (The wise man has a holy mark on his forehead, spectacles on his eyes, there are holy scriptures in front of him and he talks to himself saying...)

आओ मन की गाँठे खोलें  (Come lets untangle these knots of the mind, Come lets untangle these knots of the mind.)

आओ मन की गाँठे खोलें | 

These famous lines from Aao Man Ki Ganthen Kholen by our former Prime Minister Atal Bihari Vajpayee naturally comes to the mind when one thinks about Banares; now known as Varanasi. I had been planning on visiting this sacred land back from college days, but never had a chance to do so until August this year. We had been watching a few documentaries on Banares (I prefer to call this ancient city by its old name) and also there has been a mention of this place in the book: Aghora: At the left hand of god by Robert E. Svoboda. Since that time me and my friend Approv (Whom we lovingly address as 'Pondy' - where "pondy" is a slang for hindi porn literature) had been so hooked on visiting this place. But the movie Masan really cemented our wish to visit this place into action and reality. 

I wanted to visit this place chiefly because of the following 3 reasons: 

1) The funeral grounds - Where one can witness death in its crude and naked reality.

2) The age old culture and traditions

3) The mighty Ganges

The Funeral Grounds - Life and Death!

There are 2 funeral ghats at two extreme ends of the Banares coast lines. In between these two funeral ghats, spirituality, business, religion, philosophy and everything else that comprises life exists. It is a geographic symbolism to the very fact of life; death. It is between this wheel of life and death that life exists. 

We stayed close to Raja Harish Chandra Ghat because we were told it is cheaper there. We did not mind the place being very close to one of the funeral ghats of Banares; rather we were happy. It was also a place closer to Baba Kinaram Sthal and Sankat Mochan Hanuman Temple. Don't forget to try the famous Balushahi of Sankat Mochan Hanuman Temple. It comes all wrapped up in environment friendly boxes made of bamboo shoots and is being packed with lots of Tulsi leaves.  

We spent a lot of time on Harish Chandra ghat trying to realize the impermanent nature of life in the grossest manner possible by looking at the procession of funeral pyres next to us. Also we realized that there is a separate ghat for upper class and the rich of the society; Manikarnika Ghat; then there is a ghat for the lower class and poor of the society; near to which we were staying; called Raja Harish Chandra Ghat. We have not spared even death from this ugly human division of high and low, upper and lower. Life and death existed in this place at such close proximities. Such existence gives you an altogether different perspective in life which is so hard to find in Cities and concrete jungles of a metropolitan. Life moves at a different pace in these places and have a bittersweet taste to it which simply enriches the taste buds of your life experiences. I am sorry I don't have any pictures of these two ghats as we wished to honor the deceased and the privacy of the near and dear ones.

The age old culture and traditions!

"A Scene From Assi Ghat"

Banares is a city known to be founded by Shiva and is considered to be one of the oldest cities in India. From Buddha to Adi Shankracharya to Tulsidas to Guru Nanak jee everyone has some relation or the other to this place. Such is the heavy weight, age old history of this place. You will find here from different traditions to different cultures all amalgamating here in one stream of life. 

This diversity is not only limited to people, traditions and cultures, but you can see its presence in varied food options available from sweets to 'Chaat' (very spicy and piquant snack) to drinks. If you are in Banares, you should let your tastes buds run wild and go crazy. Try everything to anything. Especially the local chaat, pan (Indian Mouthfreshner) and thandai. This place is a heaven for foodies. Especially for people who love street food. 

Godowlia Chowk is the place where you can get amazing Thandai. You get this drink either plain or with Bhaang. Banarasi Thandai is prepared with melon seeds, cream, milk, rose petals, saafron, almonds, sugar, cashew and saunf. Thandai in Banaras is also available with a dose of bhang, if you’re up for trying. Bhang consists of dried leaves and buds of the female cannabis plant. 

"Shiva Thandai - Godowlia Chowk"

The Mighty Ganges:

From Rishikesh to Banares I had always been fascinated with rivers. Sitting on a river bank and watching the river flow in juxtaposition with my flowing thoughts had been my favorite past time. I can sit on a river bank for hours at a stretch without getting bored. Observing the river with the flowing thoughts in my mind, sipping tea once a while, and reading a few pages from my book has been what I was there for, majorly. 

"Chai, Book and The River! A Still From Narad Ghat"

I wanted to take a boat trip as I saw people taking it, but I let that thought pass and did not care to transform it into action. It was too much trouble. But I loved watching these boats passing by. Sometimes full with 15-20 people and sometimes only with couple of people on the entire boat. It was as if looking at them from the other side of the world and they being placed at the other end. 

"Boat Parking"

Probably these boat trips could give you a different feel of the ghats and the place. It can let you look at things from a different perspective. It will cost you somewhere between Rs. 150 - 400 (depending on the boat size and group strength) to get this perspective. I saved it for a later visit when I comeback to the place. One should always leave a thing or two undone to keep it as a reason to come back that is my modus operandi when visiting a place. 

"The Boat Ride - Break On Through To The Other Side"

There is something for everyone in this city. From someone as introverted as me to someone very gregarious and outgoing. This is a place which will not be bothered to interfere with your true being. It will let you be what you naturally choose to be....

"A Sage, Sadhu, Taking A Holy Dip In The River"

“जिन खोजा तिन पाइया, गहरे पानी पैठ, मैं बपुरा बूडन डरा, रहा किनारे बैठ।” (Those who try, they get something or the other. Just like a hard-working diver goes deep into the water and comes up with something. But there are some poor people who are sitting on the shore with fear of drowning and can not find anything.) 

So please be the diver, go out and visit this ancient city of India, lovingly called as Banares and formally known as Varanasi.